Where do I go, God?

Greetings, everyone. My name is Sealea. (a.k.a, your silly artist cat lady friend)

I am the artist and website designer behind the blog you are on right now! Welcome, and I'm glad you are here. :)

So, time to get on the subject matter... I feel completely and utterly 100% like Mr. Eeyore these days from Winnie the Pooh. To be completely honest with you, my dear reader, I started this topic in my journal about an hour ago, and suddenly had the thought just come to me immediately of posting it on my blog. I don't know why, especially since I've not posted here in awhile, but here I am. I think that showing vulnerability in a safe space is very important, especially in the world of the internet that everything can be romanticized. DON'T GET ME WRONG - I adore the romanticizing your life stuff, but for real people on the internet seeing that all the time, it can be depressing, especially if you are going through feeling down yourself. I want to show you all my weakness. Honestly, I feel this is EVEN MORE important as a Christian. Oh, that might be a whole 'nother topic for a different post.

Okayyyyy.....NOW I'm on to my topic

sips tea frantically realizing just how long I truly tend to babble

I've hit a brick wall. This year.....has been interesting to say the least.

My Art business

Ah yes, my art business. This is actually what I originally started writing about in my journal. If I take a moment for my self reflection, I have no idea what God would have me do with my art. Okay, not to sound frustrated, but I am literally at that frustration level. Like, God, what would you have me do?! Oof. Yes, as a believer, believe it or not, I have these moments too.

Looking back over the past 6 years, it's been a wild road. I feel as though I have tested the waters in many different avenues that I could go with my art. I started in 2019 with festivals. I invested in equiptment to make prints at home. My first festival was called "Little Chicago" in the town that I live in. It went well! I made nearly $250 from my first festival. Very thankful for that.

After "Little Chicago," I did two other festivals.

Then, COVID. Ugh.

Festivals become weird for the next year and a half. I wasn't sure which ones I could do, which ones were actually happening, etc. I instead did a good number of art pop-ups. Those turned out...alright. Since then, I've not done many festivals.

Then, commissions. I have kind of always picked up commissions here and there, but I feel as though there was a moment that I was doing them more, but I just couldn't replace my day job with commissions. Pricing was very difficult for me, and I didn't want to overcharge people, but with life expenses, commissions just weren't going to cut it. OOF, I am really going into the details here, aren't I? Welp, time for more!

I decided to open my shop and list my prints. Eventually, I added stickers and button pins. That went well, and honestly, I think that is the avenue I'd like to go..........not me solving my blog topic issue by just writting out my thoughts and feelings...

My worry with a shop is how much will it truly be able to support me? Now that I am expressing myself here, I realize that I am very fearful. How much will I sell each month? Will I be able to pay off my bills? In hopes of some passive income, I decided to start my blog. I wanted a safe place to share some personal thoughts, my faith, life updates, go in depth with my webcomic I'm slowly developing, talk about some historical shows or anime that I've been intrigued with, video games that I'm in love with, behind the scenes content, all things art related, and even some content with my cats. I have literally so much I want to share, I just don't know if people care. If I am being honest, I have dreamed of becoming a content creator/YouTuber since I was a wee little lass. I think I like this blog thing too. I don't know where I am going with this, but I think I need to try and give this my all for the next few months, and see what happens. Now for the glacier in my path, with a large "WHERE DO I START?" Well, I suppose with this post I am making now.

Where does God want me?

Now that I have come to a point where I feel like I know what I'd like to in terms of work, I cannot get my head straight on life. My job is burning me out mentally (it's the restaurant industry.) I am CONSTANTLY going so back and forth. I try and practice gratitude for my job, but I am burnt out on serving. I am very greatful for my coworkers though. This is one part of my job that I just adore, I am just feeling very wearied out from waitressing. I...don't know. I feel like I should just stick at my same job for the meantime though. (I know, I go so back and forth. I finally get into a decent mindset about work, and then I have a shift that just puts me in the same cycle of going crazy.) If you have made it this far in my blog post, and you have served, I would love to hear your thoughts on how you kept up with your mental health while serving.

I have also been greatly desiring to move. Where? I do not know. I have such a wandering heart. I don't know if I just need a month vacation exploring Europe and maybe that will fix it, or should I look into investing in a tiny home on wheels? I cannot sit in the same town anymore. I feel like I am going bananas. I need exploration. I cannot explain to you why I feel this way. Ever since I was younger I wanted SO BADLY to visit Japan, but I've not had the money. Now, I turn 30 in March, I still want to visit Japan, but with constant monthly bills, rent, and trying to make it on my own, it's just not possible expense wise. Many people in my family try to comfort me with my lack of travel with telling me that I am still so young, but I think for someone like myself who has desired to explore the world since I was just a wee little lass, that means nothing to my soul. I do believe in doing all that you can to enjoy life in a fulfilling way (in Godly ways) whilst you are still young, healthy, and can move a lot. I sure hope I can still climb the mountains in Switzerland when I am in my 70s, yet i would like to enjoy them now while I am young.

Okay, I'll calm down now

I just realized I spent the last 5 minutes type-raging of my desire to travel. Ahem, sorry. So, yes, I just am not ready to set my roots down. I just don't know which direction I should go. Whatever that direction may be, it must be able to comfortably accommodate my 4 cats. They are my family, and I will never leave them behind. Wherever I go, they go as well.

Last bit of my overthinking recently... If you didn't judge me then, you may judge me now. Yes, I am nearly 30. Okay, I am being a bit dramatic. 30 is still very young, but it's always an age I have dreaded. You know when you are in school, and they ask you where you'd like to see yourself in 5 years? Well, the age of 30 was always that age that I thought I had to have my entire life together. In honesty, do any of us? Well, younger Sealea wondering where I would be at nearly age 30, I feel like a plate of scrambled eggs at the moment. Most people my age are getting married, and/or having children, and/or have their careers set, etc., and here I am sitting at my computer, sipping my tea, writing how I'd like to travel the world with my cats, trying to spontaneously get my blog and YouTube started, and, well, just draw, man. Land and a garden eventually would be cool too.

(special photo of Pearl - my mood is the same with her expression here.)

If you have gotten this far, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Truly, that means a lot. I feel as though I was just brain dumping a bit, but sometimes I think we get more clarity when we are just vulnerable and spill the beans a bit. I hope you are doing well, my friend. Let me know in the comments what kind of content you would like to see from me (it will help me greatly with ideas), suggestions for me, or if you would just like to chat.

From here, I shall take my leave. You will hear more from me very soon! Take care of yourself. :) Chai tea is quite comforting <3

Love,

Sealea

"A man's heart deviseth his way: but the LORD directeth his steps." ~ Proverbs 16:9